new xangaaaaaa.

http://www.xanga.com/pelvicthrustsxsaywhattt

OMG.

ok so hi. uhm. i honestly have no idea where to start. we could start on last nite. yes yes.
well, last nite, was amazing. theend.

jk. ok so i went to see a few bands play at the wheaton grande. it was erin, michael <3, babak, cody and porter. i honestly cant really remember much of the music. but i loved just being in his presence. gave me tingles down my spine, butterflies in my stomach and i just couldnt stop smiling. we sat in the back row for most of the time. we held hands and such. hes such a flirt, in a good way. hes just so fucking cute. so we sat there talking, listening, flirting for most of the nite. but then i just couldnt take it ne more. i wanted to kiss him so bad. so i just did. i was so surprised becuase with any other boy, i wouldnt have been able to do it. im just sooo comfortable with him. im not sure yet if thats a bad thing. maybe its a turn off or something!? heck if i know. but when he left i was liek whoa sad. im lame, i know. but i was. its like i can go from such an emotional high, to such a low. but i knew i was gonna talk to him, so everything would be fine. except it wasnt.

i thought he was acting weird online that night. i mean maybe he wasnt. w.e. but not normal. so then i started being paranoid thinking that i did something, or didnt do something. so i was like... worried. but as it turns out, everthing is fine. i didnt get to talk to him tho today. kinda sucks. plus bball is tomorrow so i wont be able to talk. no comp. from mon.-fri. becuz im lame. but yeah.

i went to panda express today. pretty good! better than taco bell, definetly.
well i have school tomorrow morning. :[[
so im gonna go shower and such.
nite loves.

so im only updating because michael keeps bugging me to do so.

so what has been going on latly!? hm..
a whole lot of nothing. well i guess if u consider waking up, showering, putting on comfies, calling michael. a little bit of eating inbetween. a little bit of boredom. but rite now i have been very much so involved with this boy.

i absolutly adore him. its so weird of how i have known him for quite a while, but now im actually getting to know him. and hes everything. perfect. just makes me so fucking happyy to know that i always have him to fall back on. like he doesnt care if i say perverted stuff. he doesnt care if i burp. or if i chew loud. or if my videos are too original. but then he does care about me. and he tells me he does.

but he does stuff that doesnt make me happy. but i just accept it. because nothing i say will change it. so sometime when u love someone, u just learn to tolerate their bad habits. right!? well i think so. i think if i had a severe shopping addiction he would just accept it. and probly hold my bags. lol. i think. i hope. lol but im not a shop aholic. but i hope u kno what im getting at.

but we were talking about it on the phone. and we start talking about the stuff i dont like. and i just got upset. because what if something happens and i wont have him anymore. or i wont be able to talk to him till early in the morning. i dont know if i could deal with it. i mean idno. maybe im just being a clingy little bitch.

i think im just going to tolerate it. not approve. not accept. but just not talk about it. because i love him so much and he loves me. and there are so many good... not good... amazing things about him that just override everything else. but he made a promise to me. about being done with it after a few things are taken care of.

lmao im sure u all are really confused considering im not being specific. but its rlly not my buisness to share. im not a nosey person. and im not the kind of person who shares personal info about the people i care, or love.

i just wonder sometimes. when he says he loves me... like how does he mean it.
like does he love me like he loves his mom or best friendd.
or does he really, love me.

because its a big word. and idno im paranoid.
but i love him a whole fucking lot. and definetly not tht mom or best friend kind of love. i can just feel it. in my mind, body and everywhere else.

lol well im out.
<3

so hes perfect. hes everything. hes makes me smile. he makes me cringe. he makes me happy. he makes me sad. he makes me feel. he makes me knows that im still alive. he knows what to say at the right moments. he knows when im smiling. he just knows. because hes everything.

last nite i was on this phone with him from 1am till about 7:30am. i told him goodmorning around 5ish. and he told me that i cant say that yet because the sun isnt up yet. so as i stayed on the phone with him, he cut me off midsentence to tell me good morning because the sun was up. and we looked at the same airplane clouds at the same time. and he said that isnt it crazy that we are looking at the same thing but in two different perspectives. and i told him that when we meet that it will be two different things at two different perspectives, because i wont be able to stop looking at him. and he said thats okay because he wouldnt be able to not look at me.

he makes me feel warm. he makes me feel secure. he tells me about his past. and he tells me about his future. and his present. he tells me his favorite colors, and movies. he tells me he hates panda express [[my favorite]] and loves mexican food, but insists on us going to go get panda express sometime soon. i told him about how when i get my own house i want a patio that overlooks where the sunrises. and i want a little umbrella table to sit and watch the sun rise. and he asked me who i would say goodmorning to. and i told him that i hope it would be him. he sings me songs and tells me stories when im bored, eventho hes bad at it. he laughs at me when i say stupid or random things, but tells me he loves me afterwards. he tells me that he would watch chick flicks with me, before i could tell him that i watch chick flicks. he tells me he wants to be on the phone with me forever. and i tell him that forever is a long time. and then he says: exactly. he tells me that im beautiful and that im perfect. he tells me that he wants me, not the sex. he tells me he loves me.

either he has had really good practice, or hes just fucking perfect.

ilu michael <3

so hi. nothing too excited has been going on latly. i cant go to the fucking show at wheaton grande theatre. but oh well. last nite i must say was quite amazing. well not amazing, but really fun. i saw the movie wolf creek with erinnn, demi, dan, john andd a bunch of people i dont know. but the movie was so disgusting. it was way worse than Texas Chainsaw Massacre. like it wasnt even scary, it was just bloody and disturbing. but i didnt mind it all that much. dan made it really funny, as did erinnn. so at this one point this sick man choppe off this girls fingers and erinnn goes "that sick penis muncher" and then i was like "well i guess she cant finger herself ne more". it was quite the night.

then demi and i slept over at erins house. i have never met demi before last nite. and i must say, she is really cool. im quite jelous of bednarcik. i dont really like still anyways. like i cant relate to anyone. but oh well. im having fun meeting new people and hanging out at the mall over break. its been quite enjoyable.

so christmas. it went alrite. i got a bunch of giftcards. well 4. and then new shoes. no mp3. but its alrite. i have a dell dj but my dadd lost the software. but im fine with what i have now. which a portable cd player that i have hadd since 5th grade. :]]